Such a Lovely Love

Renate always said I should undergo psychotherapy. I'm not a difficult person. You'll see, I'm not at all difficult. Eugen is sweating. You'll see, the sweating will stop. It doesn't matter if you sweat. It'll stop. It's psychical. Renate said that I'm schizophrenic. But from where, that's not discussed. I'm not at all difficult, you'll see. You want to take a shower? Yes. They go into the bathroom. Eugen showers, Sophie watches him. He is happy. Renate always locked the door. She is so bashful. What? Sophie is astonished. Yes. We were never in the bathroom together. She always locked the door. Didn't you ever see Renate nude? No. Hmm. I want to sleep a little. They go into Sophie's bedroom, and again are all over each other.

You're suddenly a whole different person, says Eugen. He's repeating her words, Sophie thinks. I'm a little afraid of a close relationship. It's because things were so close with Reuter, you know.

Eugen looks at her questioningly. He doesn't understand, Sophie thinks. Renate thought I was stupid. She said that I don't understand anything about love because I don't read romance novels. But I can't read novels. They're always so long. Well, you can understand things about love even if you don't read romance novels, Sophie says. I once bought myself a book. Sexuality and love. A paperback. I bought it in Holland. I hid it from Renate. She thought I was stupid anyway. She said I was only halfway potent. Sophie laughs loudly. What? Yes.

That's not at all the case. It depends on you. Yes, it depends on you. Oh well. Elfriede would be amazed if she saw me here like this.

Sophie winces. Eugen laughs. She always said: like this nothing will come of it. But she did teach me a little. Eugen laughs archly.

What? Eugen is embarrassed. About women. That women get wet. Yes, Eugen says bashfully. She always had her son with her. She would be amazed if she could see me now. Sophie looks sheepish. You have to make an effort. Sophie looks sheepish. Renate thought I was stupid. I always annoyed her with other women. I told her about you too.

Sophie wrote a new novel, I told her, and put the book down in front of her. I intentionally said Sophie. To annoy her. Renate says that I'm childish. One time at a block party I let someone draw a red heart on my cheek, and went home like that. She mocked at me. Our relationship should not be asymmetrical. And it has to be honest. If one person goes to bed with someone else, it should not be kept a secret. Hmm, that won't happen. It could be. I don't want to go to bed with anyone else. It could happen. You know, I'm seducible. Hmm.

• Back